(Divorce: A Love Story, is now available. Did I mention it’s only $2.99 and that you can’t afford *not* to buy it?!)
As a public service, here’s an edited transcript of Colin Cowherd’s ballyhooed (but not much watched) interview Monday with Donald Trump.
Cowherd: Let’s start by talking about how great and successful you are.
Trump: Absolutely, Colin. I am great. And I’ve always been great. And let me just say this – I’m really great at so many things, practically everything, really. You look at all the great things I’ve done in my life and it’s pretty clear, I am just great.
Cowherd: Given all that greatness, what made you decide to run for President?
Trump: Well, the country is a disaster, It’s actually surprising we even exist any more, we’re so bad.* I love my country and, of course, since I succeed at absolutely everything, I decided to run. Even though it’s bad for business. Because that’s the kind of guy I am. Because I am that great. And I will make everything great again.
Cowherd: Say more about how great you are.
Trump: Sure. Colin. And let me say what an honor it is to be on this show, because you understand greatness and you know how great I am and I respect that about you, your knowing my greatness. And I’m friends with a lot of great people, like Tom Brady. By the way, Colin, a lot of people don’t know this, but I taught Tom how to throw a football. And he’s really terrific.
Cowherd: How do people like you and Brady become great?
Trump: When you’re as great as we are, you’re just born with it. You can’t teach it.
Cowherd: Because of my news background,** I have to ask you: How will you make all those great deals, like with China, when you’re president, with your head or with your gut?
Trump: All of my deals turn out great. Usually, I make deals with my head. But sometimes I go with my gut. And those turn out great, too. Because everything I do turns out great, Colin.
Colin: It was really great having you on the show.
Trump: It was an honor having me on the show. Because I am great. And thanks, Colin, for the honor of letting me talk about how great I am.
*Trump actually said this.
**Cowherd actually said this.
(If you want to listen to the whole interview, it’s here).